Conversation hearts

I purchased some Conversation Hearts when I was home for Christmas*, and when I opened them this morning, I was flooded with childhood memories of school Valentine’s Day “celebrations”. And I found myself smiling as I reflected on the mixed emotions those obligatory holidays brought about.

You see, in many elementary and (to a lesser extent) middle schools throughout America, it was expected that cards would be given to classmates. And not just to a select few: To every single student in your class, and probably the teacher (whose card was generally larger than the rest). In the days leading up to Valentine’s Day, there would be craft projects to construct card holders for our desks. The card holders were different each year but always constructed with a base of shoe boxes, paper bags, and/or construction paper.

The cards themselves were simple and generally had images of hearts and cartoon characters on the front, often depicting the latest TV or film “craze” of the day. There might be a message on the front and/or back of the card – often in the form of a cory joke. The back of the card had space to write the giver’s and receiver’s names, no anonymity here!

Some children placed candy in their cards, too. My family were candy givers, and I had a very specific process for doling out candy – especially for conversation hearts! And that’s where getting the right card delivered to the right desk was really important.

You see, I took time to sort through and organise the messages on the candy (as well as the cards). Not in an obsessive order-processing way, but rather with a communications intent mindset. Because whilst some kids randomly tossed a few sweets into cards without thinking about what they meant, I was more intentional with my messaging.

Basically, I wanted to make sure I was sharing lovey, flirtatious messages with the boys I liked and lukewarm, neutral messages with the boys I either didn’t like or I felt indifference towards. You know, because I didn’t want to send mixed messages.

I cannot tell you how excited I was putting “love” and “be mine” hearts into the Valentine’s Day cards of my crushes. These unimportant messages were very important to me because, in my mind, they would see them, and something would spark for them, and they would ask me to be their girlfriend. (Which meant next to nothing in elementary and middle school. But, still, I hoped.)

I never did get a special note or special candies. And in high school, when compulsory cards gave way to optional flowers (and candy canes at Christmas), I was left on the sidelines. No one sent me a flower, and I never thought to send one to myself. (Looking back, I am sure that some people did send themselves flower-grams for whatever reason.)

Yes, my adolescence and teen years were spent having crushes on boys who didn’t notice me or care for/about me. And I never (knowingly) was being crushed on. It’s not that different from my adult life, really.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if one of my crushes had responded; if one of my crushes had become my first love. And then I look at where those boys are now; the men they became. And I thank my lucky stars that those conversation hearts never became conversation starters. Whilst the boys might have been of interest to me as a girl, the attraction waned by high school, and the men they grew into are nowhere near the kind of man I want to be my partner.  (From prison records and political differences to social views and general approaches to life, the only thing we seem to have in common is where we’re from!)

It’s odd that I thought about those messages seemingly “out of the blue” because I generally think about my Grandpa Eberle and my mother when I receive them. And whilst I still look at the messages, I am generally more interested in the colours: White ones, please, as they are the minty ones!

Although I do sometimes dream of the day when I might have a new love to share special messages with on Valentine’s Day. I hope I never give up on hoping for love.

* I’ve long ranted about the Christmas creep, and the fact that Valentine’s Day candy and décor were showing up in shops before Christmas caused me some anger. But still, I bought the candy on January 3^rd ahead of my return flight to Scotland.