The alarm clock is set for 7 o’clock, but something has woken me at 6—stirring me from a pleasant dream that I want to continue. And that’s where my dreaming dilemma begins.
I am awake now—and alert enough to get my day started—but I desperately want to return to the joy of my dream. So I close my eyes and imagine myself back to where I was before my sleep was interrupted.
But the dream has morphed into something different; something not as joyous.
Before I woke, I was walking hand-in-hand with a man I quite liked. But on my return to the dream, this man begins to tell me how much he despises me and wishes he’d never met me.
Before I woke, I was enjoying a wonderful dinner party with my friends. But on my return, my husband had run off with one of the guests; everyone there had known they’d been having a long-lasting affair.
Before I woke, I was playing with my adorable little puppy. But on my return, the puppy has morphed into this weird, scaled, talking lobster-like creature.
Yes, my once-lovely dreams turn into disturbing visions that haunt me throughout the day.
For as long as I can remember, this is what happens when I try to return to a dream. Yet I continue to think I’ll return to a happy place. Whether by hope or the forgetfulness of a sleepy fog, I return to Dreamland in the anticipation of joy only to be met with disappointment and disturbingly surreal scenes.
And when I awake again, by mind is confused as it tries to make sense of the senseless.
When will I ever learn to just get out of bed when my body has said it is waking time? When will I ever learn to stop dictating my sleeping moments by the hands of a clock or the shrill of an alarm?
Of course, this phenomenon rarely happens when I am extremely excited about something in my waking world. When I was happily married, leaving my dreams behind was easy. When I was enjoying a friendship with someone last year (with the mis-guided impression it was “going somewhere”) I was quick to jump out of bed to start my day. When I have something fun and exciting planned for the day, I’m happy to leave Dreamland behind. So maybe it’s a matter of finding a reason to jump straight out of bed when I wake up. Maybe it’s a matter of finding something in my waking world that is better than any dream could ever bring me. But I digress…
I guess I just need to try to remember that I am not in control of my sleeping dreams. (Though, thankfully, I have at least a little control over my waking dreams!)
[Note: That’s meant to be a dream catcher. I admit, it’s not my best work—and the bar isn’t that high!]