Sixteen and candles

Today is my “would be” 16th wedding anniversary. Yes, it has been 16 years since I laughed at the alter in my hometown church and became Mrs Ryan. (Although I mostly use my Dr title these days.)

As with previous years of marking my anniversary as a widow, I am not “celebrating” the day. Instead, I am just recognising that today marks the day that my life changed for the best. Today marks the day I vowed my eternal love to the man who brought my soul to life after a chance meeting on the Royal Mile. And I miss him more than I could ever fully express in words.

If Paul were here, we would mark the day by exchanging small gifts related to the “traditional anniversary gifts” and this year, that means wax. I sometimes wonder how we would have interpreted the gifts for each other. Would there be wax seals for letters and cards? Would we have bought candles or tried our hand at making candles? Would we have enjoyed a lovely spa weekend with paraffin dips and scented candles during massages? The truth is, I will never know. (But I do know any of those things would have been a possibility.)

But Paul isn’t here, so I will mark the day on my own. Not in any “special” way, but I have lit a new candle to enjoy as I work. And this evening, I will enjoy lovely homemade tacos and a margarita. And throughout the day, I will enjoy the happy memories or our happy life… and I will do my best not to think about the pain of missing him.

Happy anniversary, Paul. You brought my soul to life all those years ago, and you will live in my heart forever. I luv ya, luv.


Way back when we first got married, Paul created a couple of short photo videos to share with our family and friends who were unable to attend our wedding, so I thought that I’d share them with you here again. Just in case you want to roll your eyes over how terribly sappy and in love we were.

The “formal” shots
YouTube did not allow me to upload this video with the music Paul had it set to, so the track on the embedded video isn’t as fun. Click here to load the original version.

The “candid” shots
This one loaded with the original music. So no other link needed!

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