You may recall that I made an enquiry about a PhD studentship back in May and that I was a bit uncertain about how it would fit with my research interests. But after reading up on the research outline and taking the counsel of some very wise people I know, I decided that it was, in fact, an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. So I’ve spent the past several weeks reading and thinking and writing so that I could turn in the perfect application.
The deadline for applications was today, and I managed to get mine in with a bit of time to spare – and even made a follow-up phone call to ensure that my application was received. Later, I got a confirmation email letting me know that they’d be in touch shortly regarding the outcome.
And now I wait with slightly bated breath.
Knowing that I am not the only person to have applied for the programme, and knowing that I do not have a background in education, I am trying not to get my hopes up too much. In fact, I am trying to tell myself that I probably didn’t get it and that I need to just forget about it and move on to the next plan.
I know that sounds quite negative, but I figure it’s easier to go into situations expecting the worst these days. That way, if good happens, it’s unexpected. And if bad happens, well, hopefully, I won’t be as upset as I’d have been if I’d spent my days hoping and wishing for good things.
I don’t know if that’s a pessimistic or a realistic outlook – but it’s certainly not my once optimistic way of analysing the world. (I don’t like the cynic I’ve become and I hope some positive life events helps to conquer that way of thinking!)
So for those of you who may be wondering where I am in the PhD process, I am at the place where I have a wonderful offer for a place to study – but that I can’t afford – and I am now busily searching for a more affordable option. In fact, I will spend some time this weekend working on an updated and slightly tweaked research proposal for another PhD studentship I want to apply to. And, eventually, I will find a way to make these PhD dreams come true!