I want to have adventures. Ideally, I want to have some of those adventures with someone I love. Or at least I’d like to have some of those more of those adventures with friends. But since I’ve managed to be an absolute failure in finding new love, and the vast majority of my adventure-having friends are loved-up (or have children or are very busy or all of the above), I only have two choices: Skip the adventures or go on adventures alone.
Now, I know that a lot of people will say “Go alone! Solo adventures are wonderful!” And I agree, to an extent. That extent is that when you spend the absolute vast majority of your time alone already, solo adventures are not freeing breaks from the joys (and pitfalls) of adventures with others. Instead, they’re just another reminder that you are, well, alone. And for me, that reminder serves as a reminder of the happily married life I once lived. Which just makes the loneliness more painful.
Speaking from experience, going on adventures alone can be really challenging. Especially when you’re on a solo adventure after failing to find someone to join you. I also know (again, from experience) that solo adventures can be fun and exciting. But it’s really hit-and-miss; you don’t always know if a solo adventure will bring joy or loneliness – or a combination of both.
With summer well-and-truly upon us, I have realised that if I want to have adventures before the summer is over, I need to have them alone. And so I’m working to fill up my diary with as many fun (and free!) adventures as I can find. And if someone can join me (like this past weekend) then I’ll accept the company with a smile. Otherwise, I will go it alone.
Yes, I will walk out the front door with my head held high in the name of adventure!
But I will go prepared!
I will head out into the world with as much feigned confidence as I can muster, hoping to find a day filled with joy and laughter. But if I find myself in a situation where my solo-ness makes me feel awkward and out-of-place, I will be able to reach into my new “adventures” bag and pull out a book or a notebook… so that I appear to be an independent woman who just wanted to read or write in a park or pub somewhere.
I expect that there will be some hard adventures. There will be times when I head out, only to turn around and return to the comfort of home. And there will be times when I find myself wiping my tears in public because I will feel sad and lonely, surrounded by (seemingly) happy people.
But as I said at the start: I want to have adventures with someone I love. And as I met my first love – my late husband – because I dared to go on an adventure on my own, maybe I’ll find new love on another adventure.
Next weekend’s adventure is nearly planned, so stay tuned for a wee story about the fun I’m going to have!
[Photo credits to John Ritchie, taken on a wee adventure we went on in 2012.]