Sometimes I feel like the world is laughing at me; like life is laughing at me. Sometimes I feel like my entire life has been one failed attempt at happiness after another – although with short bursts of joy before tragedy strikes!
I get so frustrated because it feels like every time I reach for the brass ring, I get thrown from the horse. Every time I start to think that life is getting better and that things are going my way, things begin to fall apart.
I feel as if life enjoys laughing at my attempts to clamber to my feet. It mocked me as my happy marriage turned to unexpected widowhood. It laughed at me when I attempted to find new love. It takes great glee when my platelet counts crash, setting me back on my running goals.
Life giggles as my potential successes turn into depressing failures. It snickers when I begin to think things are actually going to work out. It laughs. It just laughs, and laughs, and laughs.
I know none of this is actually the case and that sometimes bad things just happen. It’s just that it seems to happen with a frustrating frequency sometimes. And right now, life is spending a lot of time laughing at me. I just can’t seem to catch a break.
If you haven’t guessed, I’m feeling very down and frustrated right now. I guess it’s because there are so many little things that aren’t working out the way I’d hoped (or even at all!) and when they all pile up it’s difficult to count my blessings.
I have a couple of potential good things to look forward to in the coming weeks and I’m trying to stay positive and focused. But I admit that it’s hard to concentrate because life is laughing so very loudly at the moment.
But I have to keep going. I keep hoping and planning and wishing and praying for things to go my way, even if only slightly. Call it stubbornness or courage or madness or sheer stupidity, but I have to keep going; I have to keep hoping.
So if you’re a praying kind of person, I wouldn’t mind a few prayers for strength and courage on my behalf. And hopefully soon, I’ll have a couple of exciting “Hey! Guess what I’ve succeeded in!” posts to share before too long.
Note: Yes, I know that I am actually quite blessed to have what little I do have in the world – especially when compared to others – but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel upset and frustrated when things go wrong. I am always one to count my blessings, am even as I wrote about my frustrations with life’s laughter, I was able to remind myself that I have so much to be grateful for, too.