As 2010 draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the past year. And if I’m honest, I have to admit that it was a very difficult year and one that I am very glad to put behind me.
I think that one of the most difficult things was that it was an entire year without Paul. I spent the year in this strange holding pattern – in a weird Widow’s Limbo if you will. I feel that I haven’t accomplished anything with my life; I haven’t moved forward with some great plan for a great new future. I am pretty much where I was a year ago – only with fewer tears and better coping mechanisms for my grief.
That’s not to say that it’s been a completely miserable year. In fact, as part of my 2010 New Year’s resolution to find a bit of joy each day, I was forced to look at things in a positive light. And even without that resolution, there would have been joy.
In fact, there was a bit of joy every month!
January: I hosted a fun-filled Burns’ Supper weekend at my home and rediscovered a love for running.
February: I spent a relaxing day at the spa and took a trip to the UK with my Mum.
March: I spent a weekend wine tasting with my Aunt and Uncle in Walla Walla.
April: I re-discovered Kamiak Butte.
May: I watched my eldest niece play softball in the state championship playoffs and met some old friends at my hometown burger joint to re-visit our youth.
June: I started reading an excellent book series.
July: I enjoyed a week with my nephew and niece and attended my first-ever girls’ weekend.
August: I made pickles with my family and I became a foster mummy!
September: I went fishing and I was silly.
October: I did papier-mâché and played in a corn maze with my foster daughter.
November: I made blagenda with my family and realised how blessed I am to have such wonderful neighbours.
December: I started training for a marathon and I travelled to Canada to visit with friends.
But most importantly, in 2010 I began to find the focus needed to start working on a plan for the future. The plans are still in the works, but I am certain that 2011 will have good things in store for me. I am certain that I will find my way out of this frustrating limbo. And I am certain that I will begin to live my life with purpose and confidence once again.
I know there will be tears. I know there will be challenges and sad times as I work toward my future. I know that I will want to give up hope. And I know that I will wish I had my old life back. But I also know that I have an amazing support network of family and friends around the globe who will be there for me. I know that I am not facing these trials and tribulations alone. And I know that there will be joy and laughter and friendship throughout the year.
So, stay tuned for the excitement of 2011. And I promise it will be full of excitement!