I’m fat. No, that’s not true. That’s so far from the truth that it’s laughable. Heck, I’m not even overweight. Still, I feel “fat”(ish).
Here’s the problem: After my marathon, I stopped partaking in a normal running routine. And as the days turned to cold, wet, wintery weather, I stopped partaking in most exercise altogether. I became rather sedentary, but I continued eating the same volume of food.
Add to all of that, my school schedule means that I have a lot of time on my hands. I don’t have an eight-hour office job to go to, and I’m certainly not spending a full eight hours on campus or at the library. And that means more time for eating out of boredom.
And worse, a long struggle with being sad over the holidays meant that I was less inclined to cook healthy meals and actually got into a habit of eating lots of high-fat, sodium-laden foods.
Combine all of those bad habits and you get a gooey Frances.
Now, I really do know that I’m not fat. I still fit into my clothes and I can still button my jeans. The problem is that where once there was a super-flat, firm tummy and thighs and a back-side that didn’t jiggle too much, there is now a flabby tummy and wiggly-jiggly bum and thighs.
And it’s making me sad. I feel really mad at myself for letting my body get so out of control. I’m out of shape, I’m not drinking enough water, and I’m jiggling where once I didn’t jiggle.
How sad (and frustrated and desperate) am I? Well, I’ve found myself Googling terms like “fast weight loss” and “weight-loss food”. I’ve even looked at appetite suppressants. I just looked, but there was a little voice in my head that was saying: “Come on. Two weeks on that and you’ll be back to normal!” No, that’s not a good thing for my mind to be saying to my body. In fact, that’s a stupid thing!
So, the solution: Well, for starters I need to run more. I’ve got my race-a-month challenge, but I need to get more training runs in not only for that but for my overall health. I also need to eat less. I don’t mean to starve myself; I mean cutting out the habit of eating a large bag of crisps in one sitting, or eating half my weight in olives and cheese after dinner every night. I need to drink more water (lots more!). And, I need to start eating healthier foods again – fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats.
I’m not fat. And I’m certainly not suffering from body dysmorphic disorder. I don’t know what I weigh and I don’t care. Still, I want to be back to my normal. Which isn’t fat or skinny. It’s more average and toned maybe.
I’m not sharing this bit of information in the hope of advice or tips. I’m sharing it because saying it out loud will make me more accountable to myself to fix it. I’m sharing it because admitting my flaws makes me more determined to fix them.
And I promise that I’ll fix this slowly and without the aid of pills and potions. Good, old-fashioned exercise and healthy eating will set me straight – and will probably help my race times, too!