The last couple of months have been a real struggle for me emotionally. I don’t know why; I don’t know what triggered it. (Well, I think I know some of the why and what, but I’d rather not talk about it just yet.) But, the struggles have left me feeling bleak and weak and teetering on surrender.
Yes, I admit it: There have been days when I’ve felt that giving up and giving in to the sadness was all I could do. Further to that, I’ve even thought on several occasions that if I were to scrap my current hopes and dreams and cash in my bank accounts, I could live the life of a rover – living on the road, taking part-time, temporary jobs at restaurants or hotels. I could just disappear from the world I know; the world that seems to be so painful sometimes.
Anyhow, I’ve spent the last month thinking about all of the dreadful things that my future might hold. That’s right, for each of the 31 days of the year so far, I have thought about failing, giving up, abandoning hope, and letting the misery take over.
So, to make up for it, I’ve decided to give some thought to the happy things that could be waiting for me – many of which I can only realise if I don’t let the negative thoughts win. And here they are for you to read! (I won’t share all of the less-than-happy thoughts from before with you because they don’t deserve the blog space!)
31 Happy Things to Look Forward To
- The completion of my master’s degree
- A fun-tastic weekend in Cambridge
- A sweet birthday excursion
- Running a race a month for 2012
- Laughing so hard that my belly aches the next day
- Cooking a Cinco de Mayo feast for friends
- My mom’s visit to Scotland
- My next visit to the Homeland
- The excitement (and frustration) of the 2012 Presidential Election
- Finding (and buying) the perfect shade of red tights
- Martinis with friends at The Junk Rooms
- Flirting with cute boys
- Fish and chips at Seaton Carew
- McGuire Specials from McKean’s
- Meeting new people
- Starting on my PhD
- The thrill of completing my second marathon
- Getting a UK drivers’ licence
- Getting British citizenship
- Publishing a book
- Selling one of my swirl drawings
- Going on a date (which is equally something I dread the idea of)
- Falling in love again (which is equally something I dread the idea of)
- Spontaneous weekend trips to some great new place
- Passing on wisdom to my nieces and nephews
- Becoming a well-known authority in the world of social media
- Owning my own home again
- Having a disposable income again
- Being mostly happy again
OK, that was hard. I know that some of those things can be accomplished even if I were to listen to all the voices telling me to flee, but the ones I want most are the things I can only have if I ignore the insecurities and fight off the doom and gloom that seems to visit a bit too often these days. But I know that the more battles I win against the bad thoughts, the more of this list I can see accomplished!
Tomorrow starts a new month and a new chance at a happy future. I can’t promise that I’ll be 100% happy, but I will try to find more joyful things to share with you!